April 13, 2012
110lbs. Goal Weight #1.
The last time I posted was March 27th. That’s seventeen days. Things happened during those days. Important, crucial things. I fasted for 120 hours, then binged on some appetizers, and then launched back into another fast. I’m on hour 115 now, and don’t plan on stopping. I’m in ketosis, burning fat for energy in the most efficient way. I will have completed five days of water/coffee fasting in about five hours.
In three pounds, I will be at goal weight #2. 107lbs is a new all-time low-weight for me. It’s been around a year and a half since I was at my last low weight, 108lbs. At five-foot-four-inches tall, 107lbs puts my BMI at 18.4, which is officially underweight.
I’m sure it’s purely psychological, but something about 110lbs, and the fact that my BMI is finally in the 18-range (18.9) again, makes me feel smaller. Or…at least…less enormous. If I’m only three pounds away from underweight, I can’t be fat, obviously, in the traditional sense.
Unfortunately, that’s not really a comfort. Because the fact that I’m NOT underweight, means that I know no one would look at me and think “wow, she hasn’t eaten for days!” Hah, like, my friend Nicky even assured me “it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.” THANK YOU SIR, I WAS WORRIED. No, I know that. And while the online community is great for understanding that you don’t have to look sick to be one of the sickest, realizing that the general population ONLY cares about those who are about to fucking DIE…makes me feel that ‘fat’ emotion.
Ugh, remembering that whole scenario is making me feel it now. We were all fucked up and I was chatting with Leah, mentioning how it was so fucking hysterical (not) that Caleb won’t believe I don’t purge because “I have AN eating disorder, but not THAT one.” I made the point more than once. Possibly three times did that quote leave my lips. Until finally. Nicky: “it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: “it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Nicky: ”it doesn’t seem like you have an eating disorder.”
Oh. My mistake. Let me show you.
