Three hundred and twenty five (4/18).

hella coffee with cocoa mix (225). sips of blended coffee (let’s just say like 100).

(325).

Currently on hour 83 of this fast.

Six hundred and forty (4/19).

coffees with cream (100). 12oz wildberry smoothie (210). 22oz. strawberry banana smoothie (330).

(640).

All liquid, all good. Mostly because I’m on my way over to Leah’s and we’re going on a run.

But tomorrow will have to be much stricter. Today is its own little victory because I was so triggered to binge on a milkshake, which is (810). So the fact that I substituted a smoothie for less than half of that is something to be somewhat pleased about.

Not having the desire to live and not having the desire to eat are becoming more and more correlated lately. Because the latter will achieve the former. Unlike binging.

Five hundred and twenty (4/17).

excessive coffee with cream (300). 12oz. mango pineapple smoothie (220).

(520).

Because it’s in liquid calories, I’m okay. Barely. It’s day two of this liquid fast, and I need to not binge more than I need to freak out over infinitesimal liquid calories. I won’t likely average quite so many calories after I enter ketosis…which will take longer than usual since I’m not water fasting…but I will continue to allow them up to (300). I’m very set on a small smoothie and coffee, for eternity. It’s perfectly sustainable for me, which is my first priority these days. I can’t see myself deciding to eat for a long fucking time, after Friday night’s emotional curb-stomp. I just can’t do it.

If I eat…I don’t know, actually. What will happen if I eat, that is. I suppose I’ll stay fat, or worse, get fatter. Which will lead to my utter stagnancy in life, as it always does. And with all the time I sit doing nothing, on a chair in my kitchen in silence, mind reeling…I’ll have to think about him. What he said. What I don’t and do mean to him, neither of which are fucking good. And what I can’t even justify ever feeling for him because of how fucking fucked of a place he was coming from, the whole fucking time.

Nope. I can simply never eat, never stop moving, and never ever stop to think.

Two-hundred and eighty.

12oz. mango pineapple smoothie (220). 16oz. coffee with three cream shots (60).

I’m back.

Hour (111/720).

13 hours in to a new 720-hour fast.

ribbons

1/4 large Gala apple (20). 5 strawberries (20). 7 grapes (21). 1/2 cup light Cool Whip (80). Lemon Spritz (0).

Sub-Total: (141).

Last night I did a bad thing, though. It could have been worse, but it was a bona fide slip-up. I had two of my cookies. My stomach was not terribly pained, because I’ve been reintroducing sugar and carbs by liquid already. But it was very gassy. Pretty sure I farted on Leah all night. The recipe says that each cookie was (80), but I also glazed them with brown sugar, so I’ll add (20) per cookie, to be safe.

Oh, and I make the most amazing, moist, chewiest cookies ever fyi.

Sub-Total: (341).

Tonight, I will be having a second bowl of fruit salad. I should be having three, according to my Fast Breaking Diet, but those cookies got in the way.

Total: (482).

I guess that’s what a binge looks like now? Okay.

Eight hundred and sixty.

Two Starbucks Double Shots (420). One Light Mocha Frappuccino (100). Island Breeze smoothie (330).

Total: (860)?

I’m not actually terribly upset about this. It should count as coffee, and juice. I don’t need to be fasting anymore. It IS a high number of calories, and that is really the only thing I’m bothered about. Well, I’m more bothered by the scale. So since it’s liquids, loss shouldn’t be too terribly threatened. I hope.

But. Problem. The sugar and carbs in that is more than I’ve had in a long time. And now, my body wants so much more of them. It wants nutrients. It’s going to come out of ketosis, and be a difficult bitch. Fasting is easy. Restricting is annoying.

Two hundred and ten (4/26).

Starbucks Vanilla Double Shot (210).

I fail at fast breaking. Oops.

Wuheva.

Two hundred and fifty (4/25).

16 oz. pomegranate pear juice (250).

Broke my fast at 9:30 p.m. today, with 8 oz. of fruit juice. And then at 11:00 I’ll be having another 8 oz.

Technically my fast extended to 410 hours. Technically I’m still juice fasting, and with be until Saturday. And then fruit.

4/22 (336/408 hours).

So far, I’ve fasted an entire 14 days. Two weeks. At this point it doesn’t even seem that long. It was the best two weeks ever, because the entire time I didn’t have to feel the weighty guilt of eating anything.

It’s day fifteen now. I’ve had 14 coffees, 4 sugar-free cider packets, and the world’s supply of diet soda, Powerade Zero, and water. I’ve lost 10lbs, but I haven’t checked in two days now.

I have no complaints.

4/19 (268/408 hours).

In the past eleven days, I’ve had nine coffees, approximately 64 ounces of diet soda, four sugar-free apple cider packets, and shit tons of Powerade Zero and water.

It’s not good when you’ve been fasting so long it feels normal. How do you know when to stop? Why should I eat when I don’t care to and don’t have to? 

I’m just going to go smoke a bowl and watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

4/14 (fasting).

In less than an hour I will have completed 144 hours, or six days of fasting. This fast is indefinite. So, I’ll be suspending intake posts until I have an intake to post.

Other than water and coffee.

3/22 One hundred and ten.

Soup (80). Coffee creamer (30).

One hundred and ten calories for one hundred and ten pounds? Pleaseeeeeeee.

I walked 2.5 miles today. So I guess my net calories are at (-140).

As long as I avoid convincing Katherine and Kessa to order in.